Tractors, they tell me, are the future.

At least in Africa they are, at least in the

southern part.

Other factors, they tell me, wouldn’t suit her.

At least not with her wardrobe, at least not on

a donkey cart.

We’ve already sent her a truck load

of antiseptic,

We’ve already told her she can’t have surgery

out here.

At least not at the ranger station in August,

At least not until the government is

in the clear.

She took it badly, I must admit.

I hadn’t expected her to beat her head

against the wall.

I hadn’t expected her to resort to violence.

It’s been a long revolution,

I think she’s had enough of it all.

Diplomats, they tell me, have the answers.

At least in Africa they do, at least where

they’re ruled by the French.

Aristocrats, they tell me, don’t like tribal

dancers.

At least not in the afternoons, at least not in

front of the magistrates’ bench.

We’ve already explained there’s no more

brandy,

We told her that last Tuesday, we sent her

an email twice.

At least I think we sent it, we’re not good

with computers,

And she was never one for making much

of our advice.

Didn’t she take it badly, though?

Didn’t you reckon that was a bit over the top?

I hadn’t expected her to set fire

to the curtains,

But it has been a long revolution,

she probably wants it to stop.

Should I worry about this one, Bernard?

Do you think I should send a telex back

to HQ?

I’ve half a mind to get Naomi in here and

show her the photographs.

She’s pretty level-headed, she would know

what to do.

Anyway, body armour, they tell me, is

standard issue.

At least in Africa it is, at least under

Nelson Mandela.

I didn’t harm her, they tell me, she’s allergic

to tissue.

I’m sorry I wiped her face with one,

but I can’t bring myself to tell her.

We’ve already abandoned all our principles

for her,

That consignment of valium was the last

of the liberties we’ll take,

Apart from my cigars, the diplomatic bag

is sacrosanct,

Apart from the whisky, Club International

and my ginger cake.

I might have known she’d take it

pretty badly.

But honestly I didn’t know her fist had that

kind of power.

Go out to her truck and get me some

more antiseptic,

It has been a long revolution,

ask her to join me in the shower.